On the weekend of Feb 28th I went to a wedding in Jackson, MS.  Jordan Katool went to college with my wife and I and she got married to Jodain Massad.  We have known both of them for a while and Jordan was actually one of Lexi’s bridesmaids.  She was an incredible help with all of the wedding preparations and otherwise just a great person to have around.  We knew it would cost us a few dollars to make the trip, and it would mean we wouldn’t be able to take care of all of our normal weekend obligations (flamenco classes, 2 Agora meetings, and preparations for the coming work week), but we wanted to be a part of their wedding day because we know how much it meant to us to have them as a part of ours.  We also needed a break from all of the aforementioned responsibilities.

This trip was quite an experience.  To start off there was more turbulence on the flights to Jackson than I have ever experienced.  It made me quite queasy, but I survived.  Then the airline lost our luggage.  So we showed up with nothing but the clothes we were wearing.  This meant we had to go and buy clothes for the whole weekend, including a suit, tie, dress shoes, undershirt, dress, high heels, jewelry, socks, and underwear.  We made it to the hotel at 10:30 and had until 2:00 the next day to get all of these things.  

We saw Marshal’s on our way to the mall so we decided to try that first.  They had exactly one suit… and it was exactly my size.  It was a $500 suit, but at Marshal’s, only $130.  Bonus.  Of course the pants needed to be tailored, so I called mom, had dad look up tailors in Jackson, MS near our hotel and then had mom call to see if they were open and could hem some pants in less than half an hour.  Success, and Lexi found a beautiful dress, shoes, and jewelry while I was getting the pants taken care of.  We made it to the wedding with more than enough time, and looked even better than we would if we had our luggage… atleast I did, Lexi would have looked beautiful either way.  The wedding was nice, and the reception was amazing.  I could go on about how elaborate and classy the whole event was, but what really made an impact on me was what happened on the dance floor.

I must preface this part of the story with some more background.  Both Jordan and Jodain are Lebanese and they have large tight knit families, and everyone was there.  I was one of few white folks.  Later on during the reception, the big band went off the stage, and a trio of Lebanese men took the stage.  They played for hours and everyone on both sides of the family was on the dance floor.  From what I have seen, if you are Lebanese, you can do Lebanese dance.  All of them did it, and you couldn’t sense the slightest bit of inhibition or self-consciousness.  They were all comfortable and you could tell that they weren’t just dancing to look good and have fun, they were celebrating.  

Dancing is a means of expression. Each of Lexi’s Flamenco dances has a meaning behind it.  Dance always expresses something.  What amazed me was that this means of expression was wrapped up in their history and identity as a people and as a family.  The fact that both of them are Lebanese provided the opportunity for both sides of the family to celebrate together in this beautiful form of dance.  

At my wedding, Lexi and I danced a short flamenco dance, and her bridesmaids joined in as well.  I am glad we were able to incorporate that into our wedding day because it is something important to both of us.  However, to all of my family (and even most of Lexi’s) this means of expression is foreign and uncomfortable.  We don’t have anything similar to what I saw at Jordan and Jodain’s wedding in either of our families.  We don’t hold onto a family tradition that goes back numerous generations, or have any cultural substance that we can’t pin to our immediate family members, friends, or pop American Culture.  

I am not saying that that is a bad thing.  I love my family and friends and how we spend our time tigether during holidays and what not.  I just recognize that there is something that certain cultures share that is different from my experiences.  (and I am slightly envious if you haven’t noticed)  The question that this experience has brought to my mind is this:  How do I bring this idea into my culture(family, friendships, life, etc.), and if I can, should I?  I am not saying we should all dance more (even though we should).  I am saying that this dance brings the Lebanese family and people together; is there anything that can do the same in my culture?  

This was a long rambling post, it may not make much sense because I am still not sure how to make sense out of what I have been thinking about all of this.  So if you can help me out, please do.

Happy Valentines Day everyone.  I thought I would blog along the holiday theme.  So I am going to talk about relationships.  Actually, lets stick to romantic type relationships.  Dating, marriage and all that wonderfully dangerous mess.  I am married to the best wife possible.  Of that I am certain, but let me lay a foundation of how I think this whole marriage thing works.  Here we go.

I don’t believe that there is that special someone for everyone.  Even though she doesn’t like to hear me say it, I don’t think we were made for each other and only each other.  Perhaps we are the most ideal match which was designed by God before our lives began, but it is also possible that it doesn’t work like that.  What if I had chosen a different path?  I believe in free will, and I therefore could have ended up a terrible person or just someone very different, had I made different decisions in my life.  Lexi had a pretty specific criteria for the kind of person she would want to be married to, and I happened to fit that, but if I didn’t, I don’t think we would have ended up together.  

Dating is the interview phase where you see if things might work out.  No secret to anyone, that is pretty much how it works.  Unless you aren’t interested in commitment, which is a whole other story.  Dating gets a lot of the big questions resolved, but of course, it is just a get to know you phase.  Marriage is something different entirely.  

You can’t be fully prepared for marriage.  There is a huge shift in the relationship that takes place  after marriage.  This is a good thing, it is taking the relationship to another level.  You are making yourself more vulnerable to your spouse which can take you to a greater level of intimacy and respect for one another, or it can leave you wide open to be hurt in ways that you previously could not have been.  It is a risk, and when you say “i do” you are saying I am going to let you into my life because you are worth the risk, and I trust you.  When that kind of trust is broken or misplaced, terrible damage can be done.

I hope I don’t sound too down on the marriage idea.  I actually highly recommend it, I just think it is too important to be taken lightly, or to be neglected.  My marriage is wonderful.  I can’t say it is because I am a great husband or because Lexi is a great wife, or even that it is because we were made for each other.  We have both changed too much to say that we were made to fit perfectly without effort.  We have grown together over the past 5 years that I have known her.  We take our relationship seriously and put some effort into making the most out of it.  It requires self sacrifice on a daily basis, but the benefit of that sacrifice is more than worth it.  However, even all this can’t be enough to account for the beauty of our relationship.  

My belief is that when you are married, God does something to you.  It is a connection that runs deep.  One flesh.  I don’t really know what that means, but I know that I can feel it.  I think there is a force that holds us together that is stronger and greater than we are.  I don’t have any better explanation of that.  Our relationship resonates with something I read long before I was married.  Don Miller quoted a friend of his who said that he experiences God loving him through his wife.  It is hard to explain that, but I think I know what he was talking about now.

Divorce is an ugly painful ordeal to more than just the two who are being divorced.  I think that is because something is being separated that wasn’t meant to be separated.  I am not saying that no one should ever get a divorce, some situations warrant that in my opinion, I am just saying it is a bad situation when it does.  Enough on the sad stuff.

So let me know what you think.  I have to be wrong about something, so drop some knowledge on me here, or just give me your perspective or experience.  I am only 1.5 years into the being married thing.  So I am sure there are plenty more discoveries to come.