David Bailey, Terrance Bailey & Jeff Martin

It has been quite some time since I last posted so I thought I’d provide a recap of recent events.

I got laid off on April 27 and have been unsuccessful at finding another steady job since then.  I have been teaching a guitar class, and had a gig recently.  I got a lot done around the house that I would have otherwise not had time for so that’s a good deal.  I have spent a lot of time working on web sites so I’ll tell you about those.

Our Reflejos Flamencos web site had a makeover and is now running wordpress.  I figured this would make it a lot easier to keep it up to date as new gigs come up.  July 19 we will be at the PAC with the Tulsa Guitar Society’s Guitars Gone Wild concert.  Our summer classes start June 13th, and we are adding a Sevillanas dance class that is designed for couples dancing.

I started an e-commerce site for my father-in-law’s manufacturing business that has come a long way but still so far from ready to go live.  It will be nice if I can get that monkey off my back soon, but I have had plenty of other things to distract me from working on it.

Such as my Grandma’s web site.  She owns a realty business in Henryetta, OK and needs a new web site.  She had one, but then she sold her business to Century 21, and then decided she didn’t like the way they ran things so she took it back, and her old web site is already gone, so she is having me make it for her.  I just have some example text in place as I am writing this blog but I am planning to go to Henryetta and sit with her and get all the info up that she wants.  It is a fun project.

The story I have that I am most excited about is what I did on Sunday afternoon.  (now to preface the story) David and Judy Bailey are a married couple who recently started coming to Agora and both play in the band with me.  David on guitar and Judy on cello.  They are both fantastic musicians, but that isn’t what this story is about.  These are some of the best people I have ever met.  A couple weekends each month they go downtown in Tulsa and bring food to homeless people there and then just hang out with them.  It is not uncommon for people to bring food to the homeless, but most groups that I know of don’t just hang out and get to know the homeless people.  And before long we have to stop calling them homeless because these people are our friends.  They have names, stories, feelings, dreams.  Just like me.

I say we, but I have only joined them once which was Sunday afternoon.  They go downtown with two other families who they have known for quite some time.  They all decided that they were going to grill out at Newblock Park which is the closest park to the Library (which is where most of these people hang out).  Lexi and I came along to help out, and the whole experience was probably better for me than it was for anyone that we fed that day.

They somehow got ahold of a big van and we went to the library with the big van, a mini fan, and me in Lexi’s CR-V.  They had never tried this before so we didn’t know what to expect.  We walked into the courtyard and just started inviting the people to come cook out with us and told them we could load them up in our cars and give them a ride.  We went back to the park without an empty seat in any vehicle and then made two more trips after that.

I was suprised to see how polite and grateful our guests were.  No one failed to ask politely for anything or say thank you.  I was also suprised at how they treated one another.  The first group sat down in the shade of a big tree which was also where we sat the ice chests with drinks.  I wondered at first if that would cause a traffic jam as more groups arrived, but those sitting around the ice chests would call out what kind of drinks were in each chest and pass the drinks down to whoever wanted it.

I could tell you more stories and observations like that, but I think they really just point out my ignorant presumptions.  What I took away from this is that they are real people and I have been blessed with too much not to help these people out.  They were so grateful and thanked the group who came out to feed them repeatedly.  It was just one meal but it meant something to them.  I went home to my kitchen full of food and felt like a jerk afterwards.  I am not saying I am going to give away all my possesions and live on the streets, but I have never really done much to help out humans who weren’t myself, and especially not people who couldn’t give me anything in return.

Lexi and I plan to join David and Judy and their friends more often.  I think their plan is to go downtown and hang out every 1st & 3rd Sunday afternoon around 4:00pm.  If you are interested in joining us, let me know.

The baby boomers started retiring last year, and we have several years of this to come.  Due to the decline in the birthrate in the US for the preceding generation, it is estimated that we will not have enough skilled laborers to replace them.  The income disparity of skilled to unskilled laborers has increased over the recent years and Greenspan sees this as evidence that the demand for skilled laborers is growing faster than the supply.  We are therefore not producing enough skilled laborers to even the playing field.  To remedy this situation he speaks of two vital factors.  The first is education.

I was amazed to read that students coming out of our public education system (high school) have worse math skills than in past decades.  This may be due to the fact that those who are teaching them also have poorer math skills than in times past.  All public school teachers are taught how to teach, but they are not always so educated in the actual subjects that they are teaching.  We see the inverse of this problem in colleges.  The professors may have an incredible understanding of their subject but have a difficult time breaking it down to a level that your average high school graduate can understand.  I am speaking from experience here, and although my experience is limited, I do not think it is much of a stretch to say that both of these situations are common.

So to aid this situation we could focus on increasing the quality of education that we are giving our young people.  The goal is to produce a larger proportion of educated workers.  Along with supplying the demand for skilled labor and reducing the income disparity, this will create more value in the market place.  

Immigration is a hot topic.  In our economic struggles we definitely do not want foreigners coming in and stealing our jobs right?  Well I don’t exactly hold that view, and it is fine if you disagree with me.  Greenspan’s case for immigration is that by bringing in foreign skilled laborers, we will increase our domestic production capabilities, and we would rather have them do the work here and spend their money here than outsource our jobs where the money is sent out of our economy.  He explains this in a lot more words (Have you seen his book?  It’s huge!) so this is not the whole story.  I had never thought of it this way which seems ridiculous now that I think of it.  Aid a shrinking workforce by immigrating laborers.  What could be simpler?  I think most of the attention is given to the increasing number of retired people as opposed to the shrinking work force.  If we can draw in enough workers and business, whose tax dollars will go towards social security, then we won’t have as much of a problem. 

That is my take on the situation.  Now lets hear what you have to say about it.

So I have been reading blogs, and writing on this blog, and thinking about blogs, so I thought I’d blog about blogs.  What could be more interesting?  So here’s the deal.  Blogs are everywhere, it takes nothing but an internet connection and about 10 minutes to start your own blog through wordpress or blogspot, and it’s free!  I didn’t go the free route since I already have my own server space and a few other web sites, so I figured I would buy my own domain name and do the dirty work myself.  I’m glad I did.  Makes me feel more legit for some reason.  The crazy thing about these blogs is that some people make serious Benjamins just by blogging!  You get a blog going that gets mass attention and then you sell out and get some ads running on your page and BAM!  You quit your day job and just shoot the breeze on the internet all day.  That sounds awesome. So tell all of your friends to comment on my blog so it looks like I am really popular and businesses will want to advertise on dylanallen.net… not really.  I don’t think I quite have enough charisma to pull off a stunt like that, and the fact that I am talking about it right now probably also hurts my chances.

So lets talk about my chances of writing something that people will actually be interested in.  Of my previous posts, the most comments have been about Spirituality, Coffee Shops, and Wine.  However, the blog about Masculinity has actually had more hits.  For some reason my blog is found by people searching for the word masculinity more than anything else.  I think that is a fluke, and not really related to my amazing insight concerning masculinity.  So in observing these things I wonder what it is that I am most capable of writing about that will provoke interest.  In other words, what do I have to share that other people want to hear or talk about?  I am seriously curious so if you have any suggestions please share them.  

The bigger question is how do people make blogs that gather such a huge following?  Do they advertise?  Are they experts on a subject, or are they just good writer?  I still don’t get why so many people worship Oprah.  She doesn’t seem to be incredibly smart, yet people look to her for advice on… everything.  It just happened.  I don’t want to be Oprah or anything, I am just amazed by the whole deal.  I get the Dr. Phil thing, he is actually doing something he is qualified to do, and he has charisma and he’s tall and people like that.  He’s like Judge Judy but more popular.

So back to my Conversations.  My idea starting this up was that I didn’t want to limit my scope.  I want to be able to talk about anything I feel like without  seeming to stray from the general idea and purpose of the blog, so the idea and purpose of the blog is summed up as creativity, culture, and spirituality.  The great thing about that is that so much fits into the category of culture.  Blogs are a significant part of our culture, so I have no problem saying that this fits in the culture category.   So now for my next question: Do I need to go after a niche in order to attract a following?  I think this is what most successful blogs do.  I could have a coffee blog and get some frequent coffee fanatics, or a religion blog and get lots of wackos to talk angry at me and each other, or I could just keep it going the way it is and enjoy my mediocre blog.  

Here is your chance to not only critique this post, but to critique my whole blog.  So lets hear it!

There are more diets and weight loss schemes out there than we have time to consider.  Some of them are just plain stupid, and others are harmless fads that are given quite a bit more attention than they deserve.  Other than that, there are a lot of healthy lifestyle type suggestions.  That is more of what I am interested in.  I am not one to just go with what the experts say because the experts tend to disagree with each other on a lot of things which in my mind makes their suggestions no better than my personal experience, atleast when it comes to my own decisions.  So I read some stuff, try some stuff, and then decide what I like and what gives me the results I am looking for.  

Unfortunately, we don’t really get observable results on a lot of important things.  My poor diet today may give me heart problems or cancer when I’m 55.  By the time I notice that, it will be too late.  So I have to go with expert advice on what is good for that kind of stuff.  Currently, I am eating a lot of spinach and fruit.  I hear those are good for a lot of things with the vitamins, antioxidants, iron, calcium and other good stuff, but I was amazed to find that eating too much spinach can give you kidney stones.  That is something I have no interest in, so I might cut back on the spinich.  I wonder how that all played out for Popeye?  

I also cut soda out of my diet and any other sugary beverage that isn’t some type of fruit juice.  I mean… wine is a kind of fruit juice right?  Okay so that is one indulgence I am giving myself, but it has some good stuff in it too.  I am also eating a little dark chocolate now and then.  I am only doing dark chocolate because it has more antioxidants, less sugar, and it also happens to taste better and I like to have it with red wine.  Even if that isn’t the healthiest way to go, I am not trying to be Captain America here.  I just want to be in decent shape and healthy enough to live for a while.  

I absolutely do not want to make myself miserable for the sake of my beach body.  I am not that vain and I really like good tasting food.  This is why I am allowing myself to eat whatever I want on the weekends.  I try to be disciplined during the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and then finish the night with some dark chocolate and a glass of wine.  During the weekend, I eat like a champ.  From lunch on Friday to Lunch on Sunday anything goes, but Sunday night I get back into the healthy mode.  I am not really abusing my freedom on the weekend, I am just eating like I use to.  So I get to have a steak or a burger and maybe even some bacon.  Still no soda though, I am trying to stay away from that all the time.

The other aspect of my healthy kick is that I have been exercising more.  I try to go running 5 days a week, which may end up being 3 or 4 if I get too busy.  I also have been doing push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups, all things I can do from home so that I am more likely to actually do them.  If I try to go to the gym, I will get busy or lazy and end up not going very often.  I think that I have only been able to stick with this routine for the past 3 weeks because there is a light at the end of every tunnel (rewards on the weekend) and because I have noticed quick results.  When Lexi got home from her trip she said I looked taller, which obviously was not the case.  She later realized that it was because I was skinnier.  So apparently this routine is working for something.  I am going to stick with it for as long as I can.  I might ease up on the diet portion of it once I lose all of the weight that I care to get rid of.  At that point, I plan to start eating more food, and better tasting food, but I want to try my best to stick with healthier foods.

After a few weeks of this routine I finally bought batteries for our scale, so I didn’t actually weigh myself until a few days ago.  Over the weekend I fluctuated from 197 -202.  Dropping below 200 has been a goal of mine since the last time I was actually following an exercise routine.  So I finally made it.  My goal now is the get back to my weight from the summer after high school.  I weighed 186 lbs. at my weigh-in for the Brownfield Power Eastern Oklahoma Benchpress Competition.  I came in first in my weight division with 315 lbs.  I would like to be able to bench that much again, but for now I’ll focus on dropping the 15 pounds.  I’ll let you know when I get there,  I’m sure I’ll be very proud of myself… sorry.

This is the point where I ask you your opinion.  So what are your experiences with diets or exercises and do you think my plan is destined for failure?  I also wanted to give props to my friend Will Phillips whose success has been a motivating factor for me with my efforts.  He has come a long way on his weight loss battle.  From 440 to just above 300!  He’s a champ.

I thought I would throw this out there because alcohol consumption is something of an issue here in the Bible Belt.  I want to know what you think about the issue.  So I’ll throw out some of my thoughts on the matter and I hope to hear several other perspectives.

I think that alcohol is something that is abused too often.  It has the capability of doing great damage, not only physically, but to friends and family as well.  This was my excuse for looking at it as a bad thing. In every decision that we make, we need to measure the probable cost and benefit to decide if it is worth it.  I saw a high possible cost associated with each of these activities, so I thought it best not to participate.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with making that exact decision.  I can certainly live a happy life without drinking.  However, I am 24 years old now.  I believe that I am mature and wise enough to know when I have a problem (not that everyone who is 24 can say that).  I also believe that I have a great wife who would never let me screw up my life or our marriage(that’s a big one).  So that high possible cost is no longer possible in my opinion.  Not for me.  I trust myself not to abuse alcohol.  

That being said I still don’t think it is a good idea to get drunk.  Personally, I do not like the idea that I might not have control of myself, have impaired judgement, or would forget part of my life, even if it is only a few hours of it.  I don’t think I will ever be able to use the phrase “I was drunk” as an excuse for something I did.  I am responsible for myself and my actions.  All the time.  If I am drunk it’s because I got myself drunk and it is no excuse.  (I hear that people typically have control but drink so that they can act stupid and blame it on something else, never tried it, just what I hear) Okay, enough ranting.

Now to slightly stray away from the serious issue.  Are there any wine drinkers out there?  I am looking for some recommendations or you could just let me know what your favorite kind of wine is.  I have discovered that I like a good strong red wine.  Odd for a beginner, but I like intense tastes.  Probably related to my love for espresso and really spicy food.  I seem to like Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz, and Petite Sirah.  I haven’t tried too many types of wine so there may be other out there that I will like more.

Alright, I’m done for now, so please give me your perspectives.  I would normally ask you to be respectful with your answers, but in this case you probably won’t hurt my feelings too much, so lets hear it.   If  you offend someone else, then you’re going to have to deal with that.  I absolutely do not have your back this time.  I don’t care how drunk you were when you said it.

This trip was quite an experience.  To start off there was more turbulence on the flights to Jackson than I have ever experienced.  It made me quite queasy, but I survived.  Then the airline lost our luggage.  So we showed up with nothing but the clothes we were wearing.  This meant we had to go and buy clothes for the whole weekend, including a suit, tie, dress shoes, undershirt, dress, high heels, jewelry, socks, and underwear.  We made it to the hotel at 10:30 and had until 2:00 the next day to get all of these things.  

We saw Marshal’s on our way to the mall so we decided to try that first.  They had exactly one suit… and it was exactly my size.  It was a $500 suit, but at Marshal’s, only $130.  Bonus.  Of course the pants needed to be tailored, so I called mom, had dad look up tailors in Jackson, MS near our hotel and then had mom call to see if they were open and could hem some pants in less than half an hour.  Success, and Lexi found a beautiful dress, shoes, and jewelry while I was getting the pants taken care of.  We made it to the wedding with more than enough time, and looked even better than we would if we had our luggage… atleast I did, Lexi would have looked beautiful either way.  The wedding was nice, and the reception was amazing.  I could go on about how elaborate and classy the whole event was, but what really made an impact on me was what happened on the dance floor.

I must preface this part of the story with some more background.  Both Jordan and Jodain are Lebanese and they have large tight knit families, and everyone was there.  I was one of few white folks.  Later on during the reception, the big band went off the stage, and a trio of Lebanese men took the stage.  They played for hours and everyone on both sides of the family was on the dance floor.  From what I have seen, if you are Lebanese, you can do Lebanese dance.  All of them did it, and you couldn’t sense the slightest bit of inhibition or self-consciousness.  They were all comfortable and you could tell that they weren’t just dancing to look good and have fun, they were celebrating.  

Dancing is a means of expression. Each of Lexi’s Flamenco dances has a meaning behind it.  Dance always expresses something.  What amazed me was that this means of expression was wrapped up in their history and identity as a people and as a family.  The fact that both of them are Lebanese provided the opportunity for both sides of the family to celebrate together in this beautiful form of dance.  

At my wedding, Lexi and I danced a short flamenco dance, and her bridesmaids joined in as well.  I am glad we were able to incorporate that into our wedding day because it is something important to both of us.  However, to all of my family (and even most of Lexi’s) this means of expression is foreign and uncomfortable.  We don’t have anything similar to what I saw at Jordan and Jodain’s wedding in either of our families.  We don’t hold onto a family tradition that goes back numerous generations, or have any cultural substance that we can’t pin to our immediate family members, friends, or pop American Culture.  

I am not saying that that is a bad thing.  I love my family and friends and how we spend our time tigether during holidays and what not.  I just recognize that there is something that certain cultures share that is different from my experiences.  (and I am slightly envious if you haven’t noticed)  The question that this experience has brought to my mind is this:  How do I bring this idea into my culture(family, friendships, life, etc.), and if I can, should I?  I am not saying we should all dance more (even though we should).  I am saying that this dance brings the Lebanese family and people together; is there anything that can do the same in my culture?  

This was a long rambling post, it may not make much sense because I am still not sure how to make sense out of what I have been thinking about all of this.  So if you can help me out, please do.

I don’t believe that there is that special someone for everyone.  Even though she doesn’t like to hear me say it, I don’t think we were made for each other and only each other.  Perhaps we are the most ideal match which was designed by God before our lives began, but it is also possible that it doesn’t work like that.  What if I had chosen a different path?  I believe in free will, and I therefore could have ended up a terrible person or just someone very different, had I made different decisions in my life.  Lexi had a pretty specific criteria for the kind of person she would want to be married to, and I happened to fit that, but if I didn’t, I don’t think we would have ended up together.  

Dating is the interview phase where you see if things might work out.  No secret to anyone, that is pretty much how it works.  Unless you aren’t interested in commitment, which is a whole other story.  Dating gets a lot of the big questions resolved, but of course, it is just a get to know you phase.  Marriage is something different entirely.  

You can’t be fully prepared for marriage.  There is a huge shift in the relationship that takes place  after marriage.  This is a good thing, it is taking the relationship to another level.  You are making yourself more vulnerable to your spouse which can take you to a greater level of intimacy and respect for one another, or it can leave you wide open to be hurt in ways that you previously could not have been.  It is a risk, and when you say “i do” you are saying I am going to let you into my life because you are worth the risk, and I trust you.  When that kind of trust is broken or misplaced, terrible damage can be done.

I hope I don’t sound too down on the marriage idea.  I actually highly recommend it, I just think it is too important to be taken lightly, or to be neglected.  My marriage is wonderful.  I can’t say it is because I am a great husband or because Lexi is a great wife, or even that it is because we were made for each other.  We have both changed too much to say that we were made to fit perfectly without effort.  We have grown together over the past 5 years that I have known her.  We take our relationship seriously and put some effort into making the most out of it.  It requires self sacrifice on a daily basis, but the benefit of that sacrifice is more than worth it.  However, even all this can’t be enough to account for the beauty of our relationship.  

My belief is that when you are married, God does something to you.  It is a connection that runs deep.  One flesh.  I don’t really know what that means, but I know that I can feel it.  I think there is a force that holds us together that is stronger and greater than we are.  I don’t have any better explanation of that.  Our relationship resonates with something I read long before I was married.  Don Miller quoted a friend of his who said that he experiences God loving him through his wife.  It is hard to explain that, but I think I know what he was talking about now.

Divorce is an ugly painful ordeal to more than just the two who are being divorced.  I think that is because something is being separated that wasn’t meant to be separated.  I am not saying that no one should ever get a divorce, some situations warrant that in my opinion, I am just saying it is a bad situation when it does.  Enough on the sad stuff.

So let me know what you think.  I have to be wrong about something, so drop some knowledge on me here, or just give me your perspective or experience.  I am only 1.5 years into the being married thing.  So I am sure there are plenty more discoveries to come.

Performing might be the one thing I enjoy most.  Of course a good performance is much more satisfying than a crappy one, but still, I love it.  I love preparing for it,  setting up the sound equipment, making music on stage, tearing down afterwards, and then going out to Village Inn for some late night dinner to unwind and talk about the show.  On top of that, I usually get paid to do this! How cool is that!  It is a lot of time and effort but I love it.  I can’t say I have any similar feelings towards going to work everyday.  Although I do get paid more to do so, so I do it, but should I?

There is a question that I want an answer to concerning this, but I am still trying to wrap my head around what the question should be.  What makes one happy?  Can everyone be happy?  Is the trick to being happy, being happy with what you have, doing what makes you happy, or something completely different?  The answers to these questions are dependent on your worldview, and we all have a different worldview,  so I hope to get some diverse opinions on the matter.  As for me, I have this hope deep down that we all can be happy, but I also think that happiness is something temporary.  We do not have complete control of whether or not we are happy, if you do, then you aren’t living in what we call reality.

A common Christian perspective is that joy is something different from happiness and it is not temporary.  I more or less agree, but I don’t think that joy and happiness are different.  For example, I have joy in my family and friends.  They make me happy, and I like to see them and spend time with them.  Unfortunately, none of us are permanent, and that joy could be taken away from me.  It’s a terrible thought, but it is true.  From my Christian perspective, I beleive that God is immortal, unchanging, and loves us unconditionally, so if I have joy in him, that will only leave of my own doing.  So that joy is only permanent because God is permanent.  Of course this doesn’t take anything away from the happiness that my friends and family give me, as a matter of fact it seems to strengthen it.

Some believers will say that all we need is God and our joy is in him and we need nothing else.  I say we need nothing other than what he gives us, but when God made man he said that it is not good for man to be alone.  We need each other, and perhaps more than that at times.  You don’t need to read that bit about the garden of eden to realize that people need people.  We are social creatures.  So there’s my take, what do you have to say about it?

I read in Alan Greenspan’s “An Age of Turbulence” that the proportion of our income that we spend or save, is determined by the median spending level in our society. If that lost you, then I’ll put it this way, according to the numbers, we all just try to keep up with the Joneses. Vanity and social norms dictate our spending habits. That makes me feel like such a tool, but I am sure it is true. We all want to have things that are as nice as everyone else’s. How much money we have (or don’t have) effects how much of the conveniences we are willing to give up. Who needs an iPhone? Are you able to survive without one? Yet so many people are willing to give up a significant measure of financial security to have one. I am talking about people I know who don’t have cars or savings accounts but they thought it necessary to spend several hundred dollars on a fancy toy phone and pay the monthly rate on it.

All that is to illustrate the point that I could save so much more money if I was willing to sacrifice my conveniences. I bought an Xbox for Christmas, who needs that? So as a new year’s resolution, I am going to try to wean myself off of some luxury items and conveniences so that I will last a little longer if I am struck with a financial Armageddon. My aspirations of owning an iPhone are hereby banished… i’m keeping the Xbox though.

Hopefully this makes sense to you and might be a little encouraging or enlightening, but a lot of people derive their self-worth from the number of cars and toys they own. It is a conspicuous consumption of income as proof of their success. The classic scenario as is best described by Thorstein Veblen is one of a man who works and makes money, and a wife who wears fur coats and jewelry so that others will know that her husband is successful. By the forces of specialization and division of labor, the wife has become the specialized conspicuous consumer for the family so that she may display their status on her wrists, neck, and fingers. It is a terrible picture, but I think it is often the truth.

Now that I’m done with my confession, I would like to hear some examples of luxuries we can give up that won’t significantly reduce our quality of life.  By this I mean that we shouldn’t starve ourselves to save money, or stop brushing our teeth to save money on water and toothpaste.  I am talking about the compulsive spending that I too often fall into, toys and entertainment that can easily be replaced with inexpensive alternatives.  I have about 25 espresso mugs.  It is rare that I have one guest that drinks espresso, so why didn’t I stop at 2 or 3?  You get the idea, so share any ideas you can come up with on how to save money for more meaningful expenditures… like guitars.

If you are too lazy to read the article, then here is my summary. Some dude wrote a book with some statistics and observations “proving” that men are becoming the weaker gender. I think that is something that statistics can’t prove, but a general opinion can. It is all about perception anyway. It states that women now make more than men, and men are becoming less masculine in every way as women take the lead role in the family and society. I was totally unaware of any of this, so it was a shock to me. Who is dominant is one big messy argument so I would rather focus on the idea of masculitiy, whether or not men are becoming less masculine, and if so, is this trend something that will continue or shift to a certain point and then fluctuate.

So what is masculinity? Apparently there are universal aspects of masculinity as well as cultural variations. Scholars call these different variations “hegemonic masculinity”. Courage is a widely accepted virtue that is considered masculine. Strength would probably be my pick as a number 1 masculine trait. That can be physical, emotional, or any kind of strength. Just as a woman wants to feel beautiful, a man wants to feel strong. Don’t get me wrong here, I am not talking all vanity. A woman’s beauty is definitely not just how she looks, that is the least important part in my opinion, and a man’s strength doesn’t have to be physical.

So back to the big question, are we losing our masculinity? My wife makes more money than me, and according to some, that means I am less masculine because she is more successful. I don’t feel the least bit threatened by my wife’s success. I am not that insecure. I must admit that I would love to make more than her, but only if it meant me making more. I want her to be successful, and I am very proud of her success, but I want to be able to provide for her. I wish she didn’t have to work at all, but right now that wouldn’t work out for us. If that makes me less masculine, oh well.

I still kill the spiders, mow the lawn, take out the trash, move heavy stuff, lift weights, and grill. I also like action flicks, red meat, hot wings, contact sports, and fast cars. To be fair, I am sure I could list some arguably feminine things that I do as well. Like cook… and file my fingernails (it’s a guitarist thing, seriously). I do hate to clean and do laundry, and maybe that’s just a lazy thing, but I am going to try and throw the masculine card on that one. I mean hey, if I liked it, it certainly wouldn’t be a masculine thing right? Anyways, the point being, I don’t think the roles have changed yet.

Men are naturally physically stronger that women so a lot of the jobs men do simply because they are naturally suited for won’t change. Women can do them too, but chances are that women won’t make up the majority of construction workers in the next century. They make the argument that women are smarter than men because of some statistics about college graduations, but if you are a woman, you are less likely to be well off doing manual labor right out of high school than a man is. I also read the argument (coming from a woman I believe) that schools are set up to cater more towards a woman’s learning style. I don’t know about that, but it could be true. My wife made better grades than I did in college, and she thinks I am smarter than she is. In my 1.5 years of marriage I have learned that my wife is always right, so I guess I have to agree with her on this one ; ). Just kidding, I think we have different strengths and weaknesses. She is a much better student than I am, and there are some dimensions of intelligence that I have that impress her and make her think I am smarter simply because they happen to be some of her very few weaknesses. To make sure I say it plainly, my wife is very smart, and I do not think I am smarter than she is. We complement each other… but I am stronger, and she is beautiful.

It is getting popular for guys to be skinny. It appears that guys are beginning to contract the same social disease that women have been through. I am totally not down with this. I am all for 6 pack abs, but not at the loss of muscle mass. I would rather be big and strong than look like I’m going to blow away with the breeze. I just don’t get chicks who want a boyfriend who fits in their purse. Some guys can’t help it, and that’s alright, but when guys start with the eating disorders, that’s not cool at all. I also was never down with anorexic skinny women either. I don’t mean to insult girls who just naturally don’t gain weight, but some of the people you see on TV and in those ridiculous magazines while your standing in line at Wal-Mart, they just don’t look right to me. My wife stays in awesome shape because she dances and teaches dance classes, and I hope she doesn’t mind me saying, but we eat pretty much whatever we want. We try to eat moderately healthy, but we never go hungry. I like that kind of lifestyle.

Okay, that’s my schpiel. What do you think about it?