Increase Knowledge

I asked for a Kindle for Christmas and my parents were so kind as to buy one for me.  I wanted to start reading more and I thought a new piece of technology that makes reading more convenient would be a good motivator.  So far it is working, but it isn’t even the new year yet, so we will see.

I believe the arts are very important.  I love making and listening to music.  I have been to museums and seen amazing works of art.  Unfortunately, I haven’t read a lot of classic literature.  I went to Henryetta High school, which was great, and my wife went to Holland Hall, which is a great school.  She was pretty amazed to hear that I made it through high school and college only reading 3 books that can be considered classic literature.   I read a lot on economics, but none of the stuff that everyone else reads in high school.   So I started with H.G. Wells’ The Time Machine, and enjoyed it very much.  I think I’ll read The Count of Monte Cristo next.  I also want to read old classics because I can download them for free on my Kindle, which is nice.

I know I’ll get tired of fiction since it is not my favorite kind of reading, so I will break it up with some economics.  I just started reading the Economic Report of the President.  I know it is a little late for this one, but I think it is something I should be reading every year.  I also plan on reading current and classic work by top economists.

Start Building Things

We bought a truck recently so now I have the means of transporting lumber, and last Sunday my Father-in-law helped me build a work bench for my garage.  My first project is to get my garage in order.  We found some four by eight sheets of peg board on clearance for $5 each, so I got a few of those and need to finish mounting them.  Then I will get everything organized and start some other projects.  I have always wanted to make my own cajón, so I will probably start on that first unless something else comes up.  Lexi is all about nice storage and organization ideas so I will probably end up making shelves and such.  She is itching to rip out our closets and re-build them in a more economical (and of course cute) fashion.

I could use some good book recommendations and maybe some construction project ideas.  So if anyone would like to provide their input I would appreciate it.  I would also like to hear your new years resolutions.  It is the start of something new.  If 2010 was good, then lets conquer new goals for this year; if it was a bad year, start fresh and kick 2011 right in the face.  I hope 2010 was good to you, and may 2011 be even better.  Happy new year!

Practice > Talent

The truth is that no one starts out great. It takes a lot of time and practice to be great at anything. Sure we might have a knack for something, and pick it up easier than others, but talent is everywhere. I think of talent more as a prerequisite than a deciding factor. It is the effort and time that we put into it that makes the difference between those who could have and those who did, but I am not trying to preach on hard work. What I had to realize is that if I start trying to be great, I will never get there. I have to start having fun, and doing it because I like to do it, not because I am competing and comparing myself to anyone else. Then I actually have a shot at becoming a good song writer and musician.

I knew some guys in college who put in an impressive number of hours playing video games. These guys could destroy me at halo, rock band, and probably any video game imaginable. Were they so good because they were dedicated to being the best video gamers? No way, these guys just liked playing games, and because of that, they did it a lot, and because of that, they ended up very good at it. That is how most things work. You gotta love it, and that gives you the motivation to spend a lot of time on it, and that time and focus makes you great at it. Okay, I believe I have made my point about that. Back to music!

Creative Process & Recess

I am sure you’ve heard the term creative outlet.  I think everyone has their own creative outlet(s), and we all have a certain level of necessary output in order to satisfy our need to express ourselves.  I know, that definitely sounds way too much like an emotionless economist trying to describe art, and it is, except the emotionless part.  To the very artistic type of person, you may not understand when I say that one can be creative working in spreadsheets in a cube and be satisfied with that style and level of creative expression.  Some people may be good with the Sunday morning crossword puzzle.  I really enjoy finding ways to use formulas and macro’s to solve problems and make processes more efficient.  I feel like I am given the opportunity to be creative in those situations.  Unfortunately those opportunities don’t present themselves every day, and even if they did, I don’t think it would be enough for me.  I still need something else to satisfy my craving to be creative.  So I play and write music, and the occasional crappy blog post.

Earlier I said that I became too ambitious, but ambition is usually a good thing, so I will try to explain.  When being creative becomes a chore, or task that must be completed to a certain standard, then it becomes frustrating when that standard is not met.  If that goes on for a little while, then being creative (in my case writing and playing music) becomes something associated with disappointment and failure and is no longer fun.  So you quit to avoid being depressed by it, and then you get even more frustrated because you have cut yourself off from your primary source of creative expression.   If you understand anything from this post, please understand this paragraph because it just might apply to you.

Reconciliation

Where I need help is figuring out how to avoid this pitfall, and how to get out of it once I’m there.  I am glad that writing music just started being fun for me all of a sudden, but it took years to get back to that point, and I don’t want to set myself back another few years by over-doing it.  If you are in this type of situation I really don’t know what to tell you other than I hope you get out of it soon, because it sucks.  I am sure we all deal with this in our own ways, and may find different solutions for each person, but if you have any words of wisdom to share then I would greatly appreciate it.

When I have had a great jam session, or spent a good amount of time writing and recording a new song, I notice that I am happier the whole next day.  It’s like something was weighing on me that I finally got off my chest and now I’m traveling a little lighter.  So if you’ve given up on a creative outlet that you once enjoyed, don’t.  At the same time, don’t force it.  It should be fun or you aren’t doing it right.

What’s wrong?

Now that I am out of school and have been working for a few years, all the rosy ideas I had of working and making money are not quite so glamorous.  I have been at a few companies, and I have seen drastically different corporate cultures.  I was at a past company where the number one measurement used to evaluate an employee was how many hours he or she worked.  I did 56 hours per week on average, and that was less than most of my co-workers.  I hated it.  I had no energy to do anything with my friends or family all summer, but my boss loved me and I did have a lot of money saved up afterward.

Doesn't quite do it.

This is the life that a lot of people lead, and maybe it works for them, but unless this job is what I love to do, it isn’t worth it.  All my life I was told how great it would be to be rich and famous and how I was going to be like that some day, but the rich and famous aren’t necessarily happy.  How many rich, famous people do you know of who have attempted or committed suicide?  Do those people develop drug addictions because they are happy?

What makes you happy?

Lets try a little exercise.  I was inspired by my sister-in-law’s blog post to think of everything that made me happy starting in my childhood and moving on to the present.  What is the first thing that comes to mind as what made you happy when you were young, and in high school, and so on?  What do you remember that brings back good feelings? Do that now…………

Finished? Good.  Now I will share with you what I remember from my 26 years.

• Playing football in the front yard with my brothers and the neighborhood kids when I was little
• Reading children’s books about monsters in the attic, closet, etc. with my mom
• Swimming during the summers in the pool in my back yard
• Playing catch with my dad
• Little league baseball at Nichol’s Park
• Playing in Friday night football games with my teammates
• Going camping with my friends from high school
• Traveling around Europe with my wife(girlfriend at the time) and brother
• Being taught how to salsa dance by my wife(stranger at the time) in a salsa club
• Hanging out with my brothers when we all go to Henryetta for the holidays
• My wedding day
• My honeymoon in Florida
• Finishing a flamenco show and receiving a standing ovation
• Watching Lexi dance

The list could go on, but I’ll stop there.  One thing that doesn’t go on the list is the time I bought that stuff, or the day I worked extra hours for more money, or the time my bank account went over X number of dollars.  That isn’t what makes people happy.  We think it will, until we get it, and then we just want more stuff, or more money.  We remember experiences, and the people that shared those experiences with us.

Utility

The previous section’s sentimental goo was all to drive the point that efficiency and wealth maximization do not equate to utility maximization, but now I should define utility.  Utility is a measure of relative satisfaction.  It doesn’t exactly equate to happiness, but more a measurement of how much happiness you receive from any given product, service, or situation.

There was an article on the New York Times web site that got me thinking more about how I spend my money and how happy I was with it.  I read it on my phone while still laying in bed one Saturday morning.  It talks about a couple who decided to stop spending as much money, get rid of a lot of stuff, work less hours, and spend more time camping and hiking. I remember laying in bed and discussing that article with Lexi after sleeping in on a Saturday morning.  That was so nice and relaxing, especially when compared to any morning where I woke up to a buzzing alarm, showered, shaved and fought traffic to sit in a gray cube and stare at a computer screen for 8 hours.  You see where I’m coming from?

Don’t get me wrong, work is a part of life.  We can’t all be hippies and float around mooching off of society.  I expect to work hard to make a living, but when working hard becomes life, then it has gone too far.  I want to work for a living, not live to work.  My issue is not that we work, it is the culture that money is a measure of success, and we should work long hours all our life so we can die with an expensive tombstone over our grave.  I hope this doesn’t sound like I am trying to excuse myself from working hard.  My intention is to share my ideas with hopes that readers would take some of it to heart and do what makes you happy.  Here is a quote from an article in the Princeton University web site which I suggest you read, although it gets a little heavy.

“Despite the weak relationship between income and global life satisfaction or experienced happiness, many people are highly motivated to increase their income,” the study said. “In some cases, this focusing illusion may lead to a misallocation of time, from accepting lengthy commutes (which are among the worst moments of the day) to sacrificing time spent socializing (which are among the best moments of the day).”

In conclusion, do not commute.  Just kidding, but seriously how much does commuting suck? A: the most.  The only down side to working at home would be that you don’t see people which would then deprive you of time that could be spent socializing which is apparently among the best moments of the day.  So I guess having nine children and owning a farm is the best option for all of us!

Okay, joking again, but I’m done now.  My suggestion is that we choose vacations over conspicuous consumption, socialization over extra hours, and memories over possessions.

Systems

I know plenty of people who believe that capitalism is evil, as well as those who believe the same about communism and socialism.  My personal opinion has always been that none of those things are capable of being evil.  A system is not evil.  That just doesn’t make sense.  However, there is a common factor in all that can, and often is evil.  Can you guess what that is? Humans!

People are not perfect, therefore a government, and an economy will never be perfect because it is made of people and things created by people, and we can dang sure be evil if we want to.  My favorite quote on this subject was from my Russian Poetry and Prose Professor at the University of Tulsa Yevgeny Yevtushenko.

“In capitalism, a man exploits a man, communism is the same thing but reversed.”

It took some students a while to get that one.  In capitalism money rules, so who has money makes the rules, in communism, there is a small group of people saying we will control your world to make sure everyone is equal.  So in both situations, you have a small number of people who have power.  So you look at capitalism and say “Hey, if the money was evenly distributed, then the power would be equal!”  So then you set a socialist or communist system in place to even things out, but then you have to put some people in power to make sure everyone is staying in line.

Both systems would work marvelously if all people in power were good, generous and perfect, and the masses without power were sharp enough to realize a good decision/policy/whatever when it bit them on the face.  Maybe it is just my opinion, but that isn’t happening… ever.  Some systems are more efficient than others, but just because someone isn’t smart enough to come up with an efficient economic system doesn’t make them evil.

Humans

So back to the people aspect.  You hear people say that politicians are all liars, corrupt and whatnot, except for the one they happen to be promoting.  Then when that person is in office most people hate him/her in a matter of months.  Obama was the biggest thing ever when he was running, and of course he still has plenty of devoted followers, but now I hear lots of negative comments from disenchanted supporters.  I never hated or loved the guy, but I think the Onion News summed it up best in their headline “Black Man Given Nations Worst Job”.  That gave me a kick.  Not the black part, but the fact that the “leader of the free world” is basically the worst job ever.  It is the best way to get the most people to hate you.  Just to clarify, I by no means hate or even dislike Obama.  I think he is doing what he thinks is right, and  I believe he wants to accomplish all of the things he promised to accomplish.

Gladiator is one of the best movies.  Russell Crowe was awesome in that role, and the whole thing was well done.  In this movie Marcus Aurelius wants to make a general(Maximus) the emperor or Rome. Maximus says he does not know the politics well enough, but Marcus insists, saying that he has not been corrupted by those politics.  I think this is how things normally go.  There are plenty of people who go into politics with pure intentions, but in order to make it up high enough to have influence, you have to do some favors.  Thus ends their innocence.  Another issue, in my opinion, is that the people who want power, are usually not the kind of people you want in power.

Conclusion

So the point to this rambling is that I am sick of people talking about one economic system or another as evil.  The concepts behind most of them are good, the execution is what ruins it, or the executors.  Let me know your thoughts, and I will get to crackin’ on that efficiency/utility post!

David Bailey, Terrance Bailey & Jeff Martin

It has been quite some time since I last posted so I thought I’d provide a recap of recent events.

I got laid off on April 27 and have been unsuccessful at finding another steady job since then.  I have been teaching a guitar class, and had a gig recently.  I got a lot done around the house that I would have otherwise not had time for so that’s a good deal.  I have spent a lot of time working on web sites so I’ll tell you about those.

Our Reflejos Flamencos web site had a makeover and is now running wordpress.  I figured this would make it a lot easier to keep it up to date as new gigs come up.  July 19 we will be at the PAC with the Tulsa Guitar Society’s Guitars Gone Wild concert.  Our summer classes start June 13th, and we are adding a Sevillanas dance class that is designed for couples dancing.

I started an e-commerce site for my father-in-law’s manufacturing business that has come a long way but still so far from ready to go live.  It will be nice if I can get that monkey off my back soon, but I have had plenty of other things to distract me from working on it.

Such as my Grandma’s web site.  She owns a realty business in Henryetta, OK and needs a new web site.  She had one, but then she sold her business to Century 21, and then decided she didn’t like the way they ran things so she took it back, and her old web site is already gone, so she is having me make it for her.  I just have some example text in place as I am writing this blog but I am planning to go to Henryetta and sit with her and get all the info up that she wants.  It is a fun project.

The story I have that I am most excited about is what I did on Sunday afternoon.  (now to preface the story) David and Judy Bailey are a married couple who recently started coming to Agora and both play in the band with me.  David on guitar and Judy on cello.  They are both fantastic musicians, but that isn’t what this story is about.  These are some of the best people I have ever met.  A couple weekends each month they go downtown in Tulsa and bring food to homeless people there and then just hang out with them.  It is not uncommon for people to bring food to the homeless, but most groups that I know of don’t just hang out and get to know the homeless people.  And before long we have to stop calling them homeless because these people are our friends.  They have names, stories, feelings, dreams.  Just like me.

I say we, but I have only joined them once which was Sunday afternoon.  They go downtown with two other families who they have known for quite some time.  They all decided that they were going to grill out at Newblock Park which is the closest park to the Library (which is where most of these people hang out).  Lexi and I came along to help out, and the whole experience was probably better for me than it was for anyone that we fed that day.

They somehow got ahold of a big van and we went to the library with the big van, a mini fan, and me in Lexi’s CR-V.  They had never tried this before so we didn’t know what to expect.  We walked into the courtyard and just started inviting the people to come cook out with us and told them we could load them up in our cars and give them a ride.  We went back to the park without an empty seat in any vehicle and then made two more trips after that.

I was suprised to see how polite and grateful our guests were.  No one failed to ask politely for anything or say thank you.  I was also suprised at how they treated one another.  The first group sat down in the shade of a big tree which was also where we sat the ice chests with drinks.  I wondered at first if that would cause a traffic jam as more groups arrived, but those sitting around the ice chests would call out what kind of drinks were in each chest and pass the drinks down to whoever wanted it.

I could tell you more stories and observations like that, but I think they really just point out my ignorant presumptions.  What I took away from this is that they are real people and I have been blessed with too much not to help these people out.  They were so grateful and thanked the group who came out to feed them repeatedly.  It was just one meal but it meant something to them.  I went home to my kitchen full of food and felt like a jerk afterwards.  I am not saying I am going to give away all my possesions and live on the streets, but I have never really done much to help out humans who weren’t myself, and especially not people who couldn’t give me anything in return.

Lexi and I plan to join David and Judy and their friends more often.  I think their plan is to go downtown and hang out every 1st & 3rd Sunday afternoon around 4:00pm.  If you are interested in joining us, let me know.

The baby boomers started retiring last year, and we have several years of this to come.  Due to the decline in the birthrate in the US for the preceding generation, it is estimated that we will not have enough skilled laborers to replace them.  The income disparity of skilled to unskilled laborers has increased over the recent years and Greenspan sees this as evidence that the demand for skilled laborers is growing faster than the supply.  We are therefore not producing enough skilled laborers to even the playing field.  To remedy this situation he speaks of two vital factors.  The first is education.

I was amazed to read that students coming out of our public education system (high school) have worse math skills than in past decades.  This may be due to the fact that those who are teaching them also have poorer math skills than in times past.  All public school teachers are taught how to teach, but they are not always so educated in the actual subjects that they are teaching.  We see the inverse of this problem in colleges.  The professors may have an incredible understanding of their subject but have a difficult time breaking it down to a level that your average high school graduate can understand.  I am speaking from experience here, and although my experience is limited, I do not think it is much of a stretch to say that both of these situations are common.

So to aid this situation we could focus on increasing the quality of education that we are giving our young people.  The goal is to produce a larger proportion of educated workers.  Along with supplying the demand for skilled labor and reducing the income disparity, this will create more value in the market place.

Immigration is a hot topic.  In our economic struggles we definitely do not want foreigners coming in and stealing our jobs right?  Well I don’t exactly hold that view, and it is fine if you disagree with me.  Greenspan’s case for immigration is that by bringing in foreign skilled laborers, we will increase our domestic production capabilities, and we would rather have them do the work here and spend their money here than outsource our jobs where the money is sent out of our economy.  He explains this in a lot more words (Have you seen his book?  It’s huge!) so this is not the whole story.  I had never thought of it this way which seems ridiculous now that I think of it.  Aid a shrinking workforce by immigrating laborers.  What could be simpler?  I think most of the attention is given to the increasing number of retired people as opposed to the shrinking work force.  If we can draw in enough workers and business, whose tax dollars will go towards social security, then we won’t have as much of a problem.

That is my take on the situation.  Now lets hear what you have to say about it.

So I have been reading blogs, and writing on this blog, and thinking about blogs, so I thought I’d blog about blogs.  What could be more interesting?  So here’s the deal.  Blogs are everywhere, it takes nothing but an internet connection and about 10 minutes to start your own blog through wordpress or blogspot, and it’s free!  I didn’t go the free route since I already have my own server space and a few other web sites, so I figured I would buy my own domain name and do the dirty work myself.  I’m glad I did.  Makes me feel more legit for some reason.  The crazy thing about these blogs is that some people make serious Benjamins just by blogging!  You get a blog going that gets mass attention and then you sell out and get some ads running on your page and BAM!  You quit your day job and just shoot the breeze on the internet all day.  That sounds awesome. So tell all of your friends to comment on my blog so it looks like I am really popular and businesses will want to advertise on dylanallen.net… not really.  I don’t think I quite have enough charisma to pull off a stunt like that, and the fact that I am talking about it right now probably also hurts my chances.

So lets talk about my chances of writing something that people will actually be interested in.  Of my previous posts, the most comments have been about Spirituality, Coffee Shops, and Wine.  However, the blog about Masculinity has actually had more hits.  For some reason my blog is found by people searching for the word masculinity more than anything else.  I think that is a fluke, and not really related to my amazing insight concerning masculinity.  So in observing these things I wonder what it is that I am most capable of writing about that will provoke interest.  In other words, what do I have to share that other people want to hear or talk about?  I am seriously curious so if you have any suggestions please share them.  

The bigger question is how do people make blogs that gather such a huge following?  Do they advertise?  Are they experts on a subject, or are they just good writer?  I still don’t get why so many people worship Oprah.  She doesn’t seem to be incredibly smart, yet people look to her for advice on… everything.  It just happened.  I don’t want to be Oprah or anything, I am just amazed by the whole deal.  I get the Dr. Phil thing, he is actually doing something he is qualified to do, and he has charisma and he’s tall and people like that.  He’s like Judge Judy but more popular.

So back to my Conversations.  My idea starting this up was that I didn’t want to limit my scope.  I want to be able to talk about anything I feel like without  seeming to stray from the general idea and purpose of the blog, so the idea and purpose of the blog is summed up as creativity, culture, and spirituality.  The great thing about that is that so much fits into the category of culture.  Blogs are a significant part of our culture, so I have no problem saying that this fits in the culture category.   So now for my next question: Do I need to go after a niche in order to attract a following?  I think this is what most successful blogs do.  I could have a coffee blog and get some frequent coffee fanatics, or a religion blog and get lots of wackos to talk angry at me and each other, or I could just keep it going the way it is and enjoy my mediocre blog.  

Here is your chance to not only critique this post, but to critique my whole blog.  So lets hear it!

There are more diets and weight loss schemes out there than we have time to consider.  Some of them are just plain stupid, and others are harmless fads that are given quite a bit more attention than they deserve.  Other than that, there are a lot of healthy lifestyle type suggestions.  That is more of what I am interested in.  I am not one to just go with what the experts say because the experts tend to disagree with each other on a lot of things which in my mind makes their suggestions no better than my personal experience, atleast when it comes to my own decisions.  So I read some stuff, try some stuff, and then decide what I like and what gives me the results I am looking for.  

Unfortunately, we don’t really get observable results on a lot of important things.  My poor diet today may give me heart problems or cancer when I’m 55.  By the time I notice that, it will be too late.  So I have to go with expert advice on what is good for that kind of stuff.  Currently, I am eating a lot of spinach and fruit.  I hear those are good for a lot of things with the vitamins, antioxidants, iron, calcium and other good stuff, but I was amazed to find that eating too much spinach can give you kidney stones.  That is something I have no interest in, so I might cut back on the spinich.  I wonder how that all played out for Popeye?  

I also cut soda out of my diet and any other sugary beverage that isn’t some type of fruit juice.  I mean… wine is a kind of fruit juice right?  Okay so that is one indulgence I am giving myself, but it has some good stuff in it too.  I am also eating a little dark chocolate now and then.  I am only doing dark chocolate because it has more antioxidants, less sugar, and it also happens to taste better and I like to have it with red wine.  Even if that isn’t the healthiest way to go, I am not trying to be Captain America here.  I just want to be in decent shape and healthy enough to live for a while.  

I absolutely do not want to make myself miserable for the sake of my beach body.  I am not that vain and I really like good tasting food.  This is why I am allowing myself to eat whatever I want on the weekends.  I try to be disciplined during the week for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and then finish the night with some dark chocolate and a glass of wine.  During the weekend, I eat like a champ.  From lunch on Friday to Lunch on Sunday anything goes, but Sunday night I get back into the healthy mode.  I am not really abusing my freedom on the weekend, I am just eating like I use to.  So I get to have a steak or a burger and maybe even some bacon.  Still no soda though, I am trying to stay away from that all the time.

The other aspect of my healthy kick is that I have been exercising more.  I try to go running 5 days a week, which may end up being 3 or 4 if I get too busy.  I also have been doing push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups, all things I can do from home so that I am more likely to actually do them.  If I try to go to the gym, I will get busy or lazy and end up not going very often.  I think that I have only been able to stick with this routine for the past 3 weeks because there is a light at the end of every tunnel (rewards on the weekend) and because I have noticed quick results.  When Lexi got home from her trip she said I looked taller, which obviously was not the case.  She later realized that it was because I was skinnier.  So apparently this routine is working for something.  I am going to stick with it for as long as I can.  I might ease up on the diet portion of it once I lose all of the weight that I care to get rid of.  At that point, I plan to start eating more food, and better tasting food, but I want to try my best to stick with healthier foods.

After a few weeks of this routine I finally bought batteries for our scale, so I didn’t actually weigh myself until a few days ago.  Over the weekend I fluctuated from 197 -202.  Dropping below 200 has been a goal of mine since the last time I was actually following an exercise routine.  So I finally made it.  My goal now is the get back to my weight from the summer after high school.  I weighed 186 lbs. at my weigh-in for the Brownfield Power Eastern Oklahoma Benchpress Competition.  I came in first in my weight division with 315 lbs.  I would like to be able to bench that much again, but for now I’ll focus on dropping the 15 pounds.  I’ll let you know when I get there,  I’m sure I’ll be very proud of myself… sorry.

This is the point where I ask you your opinion.  So what are your experiences with diets or exercises and do you think my plan is destined for failure?  I also wanted to give props to my friend Will Phillips whose success has been a motivating factor for me with my efforts.  He has come a long way on his weight loss battle.  From 440 to just above 300!  He’s a champ.

I thought I would throw this out there because alcohol consumption is something of an issue here in the Bible Belt.  I want to know what you think about the issue.  So I’ll throw out some of my thoughts on the matter and I hope to hear several other perspectives.

I think that alcohol is something that is abused too often.  It has the capability of doing great damage, not only physically, but to friends and family as well.  This was my excuse for looking at it as a bad thing. In every decision that we make, we need to measure the probable cost and benefit to decide if it is worth it.  I saw a high possible cost associated with each of these activities, so I thought it best not to participate.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with making that exact decision.  I can certainly live a happy life without drinking.  However, I am 24 years old now.  I believe that I am mature and wise enough to know when I have a problem (not that everyone who is 24 can say that).  I also believe that I have a great wife who would never let me screw up my life or our marriage(that’s a big one).  So that high possible cost is no longer possible in my opinion.  Not for me.  I trust myself not to abuse alcohol.  

That being said I still don’t think it is a good idea to get drunk.  Personally, I do not like the idea that I might not have control of myself, have impaired judgement, or would forget part of my life, even if it is only a few hours of it.  I don’t think I will ever be able to use the phrase “I was drunk” as an excuse for something I did.  I am responsible for myself and my actions.  All the time.  If I am drunk it’s because I got myself drunk and it is no excuse.  (I hear that people typically have control but drink so that they can act stupid and blame it on something else, never tried it, just what I hear) Okay, enough ranting.

Now to slightly stray away from the serious issue.  Are there any wine drinkers out there?  I am looking for some recommendations or you could just let me know what your favorite kind of wine is.  I have discovered that I like a good strong red wine.  Odd for a beginner, but I like intense tastes.  Probably related to my love for espresso and really spicy food.  I seem to like Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz, and Petite Sirah.  I haven’t tried too many types of wine so there may be other out there that I will like more.

Alright, I’m done for now, so please give me your perspectives.  I would normally ask you to be respectful with your answers, but in this case you probably won’t hurt my feelings too much, so lets hear it.   If  you offend someone else, then you’re going to have to deal with that.  I absolutely do not have your back this time.  I don’t care how drunk you were when you said it.

This trip was quite an experience.  To start off there was more turbulence on the flights to Jackson than I have ever experienced.  It made me quite queasy, but I survived.  Then the airline lost our luggage.  So we showed up with nothing but the clothes we were wearing.  This meant we had to go and buy clothes for the whole weekend, including a suit, tie, dress shoes, undershirt, dress, high heels, jewelry, socks, and underwear.  We made it to the hotel at 10:30 and had until 2:00 the next day to get all of these things.  

We saw Marshal’s on our way to the mall so we decided to try that first.  They had exactly one suit… and it was exactly my size.  It was a $500 suit, but at Marshal’s, only $130.  Bonus.  Of course the pants needed to be tailored, so I called mom, had dad look up tailors in Jackson, MS near our hotel and then had mom call to see if they were open and could hem some pants in less than half an hour.  Success, and Lexi found a beautiful dress, shoes, and jewelry while I was getting the pants taken care of.  We made it to the wedding with more than enough time, and looked even better than we would if we had our luggage… atleast I did, Lexi would have looked beautiful either way.  The wedding was nice, and the reception was amazing.  I could go on about how elaborate and classy the whole event was, but what really made an impact on me was what happened on the dance floor.

I must preface this part of the story with some more background.  Both Jordan and Jodain are Lebanese and they have large tight knit families, and everyone was there.  I was one of few white folks.  Later on during the reception, the big band went off the stage, and a trio of Lebanese men took the stage.  They played for hours and everyone on both sides of the family was on the dance floor.  From what I have seen, if you are Lebanese, you can do Lebanese dance.  All of them did it, and you couldn’t sense the slightest bit of inhibition or self-consciousness.  They were all comfortable and you could tell that they weren’t just dancing to look good and have fun, they were celebrating.  

Dancing is a means of expression. Each of Lexi’s Flamenco dances has a meaning behind it.  Dance always expresses something.  What amazed me was that this means of expression was wrapped up in their history and identity as a people and as a family.  The fact that both of them are Lebanese provided the opportunity for both sides of the family to celebrate together in this beautiful form of dance.  

At my wedding, Lexi and I danced a short flamenco dance, and her bridesmaids joined in as well.  I am glad we were able to incorporate that into our wedding day because it is something important to both of us.  However, to all of my family (and even most of Lexi’s) this means of expression is foreign and uncomfortable.  We don’t have anything similar to what I saw at Jordan and Jodain’s wedding in either of our families.  We don’t hold onto a family tradition that goes back numerous generations, or have any cultural substance that we can’t pin to our immediate family members, friends, or pop American Culture.  

I am not saying that that is a bad thing.  I love my family and friends and how we spend our time tigether during holidays and what not.  I just recognize that there is something that certain cultures share that is different from my experiences.  (and I am slightly envious if you haven’t noticed)  The question that this experience has brought to my mind is this:  How do I bring this idea into my culture(family, friendships, life, etc.), and if I can, should I?  I am not saying we should all dance more (even though we should).  I am saying that this dance brings the Lebanese family and people together; is there anything that can do the same in my culture?  

This was a long rambling post, it may not make much sense because I am still not sure how to make sense out of what I have been thinking about all of this.  So if you can help me out, please do.